Be a Good Caregiver or a Bad Caregiver...but there's no middle ground

There are lots of areas of life where if you find that you aren't "good" at something you may actually find that you are "average" or "slightly above (or below) average".  But it occurs to me that caregiving does not fall into this category of life experience.  I can make the case that if you don't work at becoming a "good" caregiver, you will probably end up a "bad" caregiver. 

Being a caregiver carries a variety of responsibilities.  A caregiver's responsibility to the person they are caring for is to enhance their quality of life by providing those every day tasks that the patient can no longer manage for themselves.  Handling meal preparation, dispensing medications, getting to and from medical appointments, dressing and personal grooming may all be just a part of a caregiver's role.

A caregiver also has a responsibility to themselves.  This responsibility includes managing their own health and well-being.  It means not losing themselves by maintaining a life apart from their caregiving role.  It means remembering to "care for the caregiver" so that the caregiver does not face burnout.  And all of this is much easier said than done because of the sometimes emotionally and even physically overwhelming requirements of your role as caregiver.

Failure to master the role of "caregiver" opens the door to burnout.  Feeling overwhelmed frequently leads to caregiver depression.  It can lead to feeling unintentionally angry with the loved one you are caring for, taking shortcuts in providing care or even completely shutting down.  And all of these things do harm to both the caregiver's loved one and the caregiver themselves.

That's why it's so crucial to care for the caregiver.  If you forget yourself in this process, there's very little middle ground.  And then we end up with two people -- both you and your loved one -- who need caring for.  Taking care of yourself can be the most important step that you take in order to successfully take care of someone else.

Comments

[Margaret Lewis]

Excellent advice. Your wonderful log of dealing with your wife's illness has been so very informative, and you have remained very forthcoming and honest. It is a very exhausting job, and the caregiver can not afford to not care for themselves as well.