When we last left off, I mentioned that this next post would be about how I went about the task of choosing the best skilled nursing facility for Jeanne. But after thinking about it, I'd like to put that topic on hold until next time, because I don't want to gloss over the most difficult and eye-opening aspect of this entire process. And that is finding an answer to the question, "What about Jeanne's caregiver?"
As Jeanne's MS progressed from year to year, my role as her caregiver continued to grow. It quickly reached a point where every single life decision I made was governed by my role as Jeanne's caregiver. From important financial decisions and career choices to mundane decisions about whether or not I went to a movie or what type of cable TV service we needed -- all of my choices were made as a function of, first and foremost, being Jeanne's caregiver.
Now, Jeanne would soon be heading to a skilled nursing facility. For the first time in many years, someone else would be responsible for giving her her meds, giving her her g-tube feedings, turning her every couple of hours -- dong all of the things that her care required. And for the first time in as many years, I would be free to....do what exactly? It occurred to me that having defined myself for so long as Jeanne's caregiver, I really wasn't too sure of what I was supposed to be doing in life when I wasn't taking care of her.
This was both a frightening realization and an exciting one. If I could find an upside to Jeanne's situation, it was that I was going to be given the opportunity of re-allocating how and where my time was spent, which of my interests I chose to pursue and how, when and where I chose to interact with others.
Here I thought that the job ahead of me was all about getting Jeanne the best possible care. That was part of the job, but this process quickly revealed itself to be so much more than just that. It may not seem like much, but when I considered the choices that lay before me, I realized that I had been invited to start defining my life.
Stay tuned. We'll get back to the process of finding the right skilled nursing facility for Jeanne in my next post. We'll also wander back down this winding path to answer the question I needed to find an answer to before I could move forward, "How does one go about defining their life without feeling guilty about the soul-mate who got left behind???"
Your blog has been extremely useful for those facing these daunting issues. Thanks so much for being willing to share your feelings and concerns with others.
Posted by: Marge Lewis | December 18, 2008 at 11:19 AM