No...this isn't Donald Trump doing a guest turn on the MS Caregiver blog. But I did have the opportunity to utter words to that effect recently when I terminated Jeanne's live-in caregiver.
As I mentioned in my last post, Jeanne spent several days around the first of the year in the hospital. I was there with her for about 12 hours each day and, as Jeanne slept through most of that time, I had a lot of time on my hands. I used some of that time to observe and some of that time to think. And that's how Jeanne's caregiver ended up losing her job.
While In the hospital, I noticed, above all else, the compassion that Jeanne's nurses brought to their job. It influenced the atmosphere around them and affected everything that they did. That's when I realized that although Jeanne's caregiver was technically competent in every way, she lacked the emotional connection to what she was doing...and Jeanne sensed it and shut down.
A couple of days after we arrived home from the hospital, I let our caregiver know that I was "making a change." Sounds a little like a baseball manager going to the bullpen for a lefty doesn't it? Anyway...our caregiver finished out the week and then moved out and moved on.
I had also made a decision not to hire anyone to fill the caregiver position right away. Instead, I hired myself and here's what I've observed in my first 2 weeks on the job:
- Jeanne has smiled more in the last 2 weeks than she has in the last 6 months.
- Jeanne's cognitive skills have improved.
- Jeanne's speech has improved.
- Jeanne's emotional outlook has improved.
In short, it's as if I got my wife back. Is it because I'm the world's greatest caregiver? Of course not. Is it because I try to bring the same compassion to the task, as I observed at the hospital? Yes...because that's the only change here. I've been the "night and weekend" caregiver, so the necessary skills aren't new to me. But Jeanne is asleep at night, and even for a good part of the weekend. Being her caregiver during the times that she is most awake has made a huge difference. And it's one that she acknowledges...which means that she's also capable of having conversations again and that's another HUGE bonus!
Is the moral of the story to quit your job, drop what you're doing and become a primary caregiver if you aren't already? Not at all...it's not feasible for most and not particularly healthy for any of us. And yes, I 'm fortunate in that I can do most of my work from home. But for me, the lesson learned is to check the level of compassion a caregiver brings to their job. And that's true whether the caregiver is you or someone else. Because compassion heals. It even heals those diseases for which they tell us there is no cure. It's not a medical opinion, but I'd bet on it.
I emailed this post to my immediate family. Seems everyone has always questioned why my dad does not get help in taking care of my mother. This was a beautiful post and very helpful to all of us involved in caring for an MS patient.
Posted by: Patti | January 19, 2008 at 10:37 AM