Lately, the days and nights seem to blur together. Since Jeanne was discharged from the hospital in early September, our lives have changed in many different ways. First, there was the conversion of our bedroom into a one-patient clinic, complete with hospital bed, suction devices, IV stand -- even the regular and ongoing appearance of a RN to make sure that Jeanne's recovery continues down the right path. Then there was the increase in the amount of daily care that Jeanne requires. Whether it's her feeding tube feedings, her meds, keeping her hydrated, turning her position in bed, keeping up with the meticulousness of her wound care...or whatever...it's meant the addition of a second caregiver on weekends. It's also meant that my duties as her night-time caregiver have increased dramatically. But, as they say on those late-night TV infomercials, "Wait! There's more!".
To say that all of this has been an "adjustment" would be an understatement. To say that all of this has added to the daily household workload and increased our out-of-pocket expense while significantly upping the emotional toll I try my best to deal with would be telling you the truth. So...what more could happen? What's left? Drama at my job. For the past couple of years I've been part of the management team at a residential real estate company on the Westside of Los Angeles. Needless to say, the real estate market has gone through some difficult changes over the past few months that have left companies like ours wondering how to best move forward in a very different consumer market than the one we've been facing for the past decade.
(Stay Tuned...this really does relate to caregiving!)
For the first time, I found that my ideas on how best to respond to this challenging market were decidedly different from those belonging to the owner of our company. We did agree on one important principle...and that was that a management team must be in alignment if it's to be successful. So...I needed to answer a difficult question. Was I willing to cast my business perspective aside and go along with the program to maintain my job security? Especially in light of all of those "adjustments" I was making at home -- and the financial requirements of maintaining Jeanne's care?
Common sense told me the answer was "Yes!". It's hard enough being a single income-earner in a dual-income society. How could I jeopardize so much? My own answer differed from that of my pal, Common Sense. My own answer was that the workplace was the last arena left to me to fight my own battles unencumbered from the financial, logistical and emotional obstacles that I routinely dealt with at home. My job was a place that I could still score major "wins"...and I wasn't willing to exit this last arena and have my "job" join other parts of my life that already had limited chances of having a successful outcome.
So I stuck to my philosophical guns, and left my job. I haven't told Jeanne yet...it's a bit of dishonesty in the name of kindness. She doesn't need one more thing to worry about. But I'm incredibly excited. I'm excited to be working on a new business model in the real estate industry -- one that I believe will empower home buyers and sellers and provide a real market response to the chaos that exists today. But I'm most excited that I didn't go along to get along...that I didn't sell out my best judgement for the sake of a paycheck. I'm excited that I kept the business arena as my own field of dreams. And I know that all of that positive mojo makes me a better caregiver.
I started this post by saying how lately, the days and nights seem to blur together. Initially, this condition was caused by re-adjusting to Jeanne's greater needs. Lately, it's been fueled by high energy and enthusiasm as I search out a "win" on my own terms.
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