Battle of the Sexes: Who Makes a Better Caregiver?

Yesterday I found myself in the midst of a really intresting conversation with another caregiver.  I commented to her that most of my close friends are now women.  And I shared with her the reason why I thought that was the case.  Simply put, I think that women know how to "show up" for each other much better than men.

My unofficial observation is that when something important happens in a woman's life -- whether it's good or bad -- one of the first things that happens is that she gathers her support network around her and seeks their help and advice.  When something important impacts a man's life, we like to "step up" and shoulder things on our own.  In fact, men often see asking for help as a sign of weakness. 

Now apply these two behavioral types to caregiving in general and caregiving for someone with MS in particular.  When women are thrust into the role of caregiver, they naturally reach out and leverage their pre-existing support network of other women.  And the other women that they reach out to have already been socialized to provide the necessary support and assistance.  When men find themselves filling the role of a caregiver, they don't necessarily know what to do or where to turn.  And they are reluctant to ask for help (just like asking for driving directions, right?).  So what happens?  Men get lost in their cars and overwhelmed as caregivers.  And this is particularly unfortunate for the MS community because 3/4 of the people diagnosed with MS are women.  Leaving their spouses or significant others (read that as "MEN" most of the time) to become their caregivers.  Could this be why a significant percentage of husbands end up leaving their wives once they've been diagnosed with MS?  If so, it's also a great opportunity to proactively get the word out to men that anyone can learn to become a great caregiver.  But no one succeeds on their own.

So what about all of those female friends I've cultivated?  I think it has something to do with their natural tendency to want to help and lend support.  Even if it isn't one of their girlfriends who's asking for it.