Describing the challenges of being a caregiver

In a comment about yesterday's post, Mike Mullich writes, "As I sit here tonight, trying to think about what to write, how do you put into words the "challenges" of being a "care giver"? How do you describe the "tricks" of keeping your sanity or of "sticking to it?"

These are big questions.   Important questions.   We live in a world where people often claim their entire identities based upon what they do.  And no one ever sets out to be a caregiver, right?  So how do you put into words the challenges of being a caregiver?  Maybe you don't.  Because the people who are caregivers already know all too well about those challenges and the people who aren't caregivers never will -- no matter how you try to explain it all.

The trick of keeping your sanity?   That sometimes feels to me more like a mystery than a trick.  But I've found that it's easiest to keep my sanity when I allow myself to be surrounded by the loving and supportive people that I'm lucky enough to have in my life.  What I've discovered (disclaimer: what works for me may not work for you, or as they say in the automotive industry, "Your mileage may vary.") is that people don't necessarily have to fully understand all that you go through as a caregiver, yet they can still be incredibly supportive.  They can still show you that they care for you, or at the very least, as a friend said to me yesterday, they can just say, "I know you're dealing with a lot.  Tell me how I can be helpful to you..."

Being a caregiver can sometimes feel like having a really difficult job that others may not fully understand or appreciate.  And, as Mike writes, perhaps some of us do it, "...because the alternatives are unacceptable."  On the other hand, perhaps some of us do it because it is a calling of the very highest order...a haunting, humbling, humanizing, most difficult blessing that we carry with us because we are committed to creating the highest quality of life for the most special person in our world.

Comments

[Tom]

My wife was diagnosed with MS last year, and has had to work many hours at her job since that time. During this time, I have been taking care of our son full time, applying for a graduate degree program to support her, and moving our residence to a cooler temperature part of our city to help her MS symptoms become easier to deal with. I have always made it known to her that I wanted to take care of her, through all that she has to deal with, as someone suffering from MS. Last Friday, she suddenly left me, without warning, and wants a divorce, after 22 wonderful years of marriage. I know that this may indeed be just one of those things, but... Does anyone know if there is there any kind of drug interaction, or some sort of phase that she doesn't know she is going through, that might be affecting her from MS? She is on Copaxone and Baclafen.

[Jon Strum]

I'm so sorry to hear your news, Tom. I'm personally not aware of any type of drug interaction that might cause your wife's behavior. That's something you may want to check out with her neurologist.

I do know that a large percentage of people diagnosed with MS suffer from clinical depression...and if your wife is dealing with depression, this may be a part of it.

You may want to consult with a psychologist or contact the MS Society office to determine what resources may be available to you and your wife.

Best of luck in sorting this out.

[Tom]

Thanks, Jon.